Meeting People
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Ok. You've got out and about, and have found yourself in a good place to start your search. Do you have a fair idea of what it is that you're looking for. Lets look around and see if anybody looks interesting.
Sometimes, looks come second place to personality, and many people find they can't make partnership decisions until they get to know the person on a more personal level. Unfortunately, personality is a harder object to rate, especially from across a crowded room. Look at how particular people converse with their friends. You may be able to see an expression, a smile, or the way they move their hands while talking. Generally, if they walk with their arms swinging or talk using expressive hand gestures, these people are more likely to be lively and energetic. If the arms are not moving while walking and talking, then the person is more likely to be less confident and less outgoing - especially if they seldom make direct eye contact. But you really can't understand the personality from their clothing or appearance - this can only be found by talking to them directly.
Some people, if they are interested in meeting someone, will make it pretty obvious by gazing around the room and giving off the vibes of 'Hey, come and talk to me'. So try to catch a glance with a smile. Other tell-tale signs can also show up as you walk past someone. Everybody knows that a casual look back over your shoulder can often reveal an inquisitive eye looking right back at you. Some people also subconciously lick their lips as they see 'something tasty'. Men may raise their eyebows or stand in a stronger stance, and women can often been seen to 'preen their feathers' by playing with or brushing through their hair - subcounciously trying to make themselves look more attractive to passing presentables. Of course, body language doesn't stop there, and if you'd like to know more about all this, see our chapter on Body Language & Other Signs of Attraction.
Things are made a little easier if you find someone you consider attractive in a working environment, or somewhere you know that person will hang around regularly, such as an evening class or even at a bus stop. Then you may be able to afford the softer, gentler approach to introducing yourself. Polite conversation and 'small-talk' can build a small friendship which you can build upon. Personal barriers are lowered, and you can gradually get to know the way the person acts and behaves.
Of course there is one method of attraction which throws all the above out of the window! Sometimes, if the attraction is strong enough, there is a spontanious and often mutual connection which happens between two people. As you gaze at one-another, you may find you just can't seem to take your eyes off each other! You both seem to have a spark; something in common (which perhaps you just can't place) which seems to attract your very souls. If this happens - and you are genuinely infatuated and in lust - you will find it becomes impossible not to go over and introduce yourself. You just won't be able to help yourselve!. This phenomenon is explained in the next chapter, The Natural Method.
One final point before you make your move. If you can, try to spot any rings on fingers as an obvious marriage give-away. In the Christian tradition, a ring on the third finger of the left hand may mean you won't get very far with your enquiries.
Once you've selected a person you wouldn't mind getting to know further, you will find yourself in a very special place. This is half way between spotting somebody and getting to know them. It is a world of 'vibes' and of delicate attraction and desire. It can be an awkward position for some - who would prefer to wade in and begin a direct conversation. But this isn't always easy or appropriate, especially in business situations or formal gatherings. Now you have to rely on eye contact, personal magnetism, and intuition to bring you and the object of your desire closer together.
In a first-contact situation, it is helpful to attract the attention of a desired mate so they may look at what you have to offer. Normally a wink or a smile is a good starting point and it opens up all sorts of friendly opportunities. This may also give them the push to walk over and talk you, and can often save you a lot of time and trouble. You could also try walking close or brushing past them until you catch their eye, or simply looking towards them until they see you. People have done some crazy things while trying to attract a mates attention - often revolving around staging some kind of incident or a 'show-off' trick to get noticed. Some people literally just 'bump into each other'. Whatever the situation, the important thing is to show yourself. Don't hold back in the corner hoping someone will come along and make a difference - they won't. Take hold of yourself, walk over - one step in front of another, and get ready - you're going to say something!!
Introducing Yourself7. The Natural Method8. Body Language & Other Signs of Attraction 9a. Confident speech & 'Chat-up' Lines 9b. Other ways to Introduce Yourself 9c. Love Letters & Advice for Shy People
The Next Step10. The First Date
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