How do you find the perfect partner and begin a relationship from scratch? For quite a few people, the easiest way to find casual togetherness is to get drunk in a bar, talk to lots of people and invite one home. For the rest of us, who may want something more substantial, it is much better to think about things first and decide what you really want to achieve. If you look around long enough and talk to enough people, you will eventually find someone who suits your every need - and one who thinks you're amazing as well. The hardest part, especially for people who hate ice-breakers and introductions, is to have the guts to get up and start searching. That's why a lot of folks like to have a plan they can use to give them a little extra confidence.
To Be or Not To Be..?
Before you plough though this guide like a bull in heat, take a second to weight up if this is really where you want to be. The pro's and con's of a partnership are many - how much do you rate being single?
| Single | Attached |
| Pro's | Pro's |
- Freedom to say, do and go anywhere and at any time
- Concentrate on your own needs
- Able to see any number of casual partners
- Spend plenty of time with your friends
- Get to know yourself and your needs better
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- Shared love and intimacy
- Regular sex
- Wider circle of friends
- Scope for shared activities
- Shared responsibilities
- Feelings of 'wholeness' and 'togetherness'
- Greater likelyhood of children
- Two incomes to share
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| Con's | Con's |
- Irregular love and intimacy
- Irregular sex
- Limited feelings of 'togetherness'
- Less likely to raise children
- Mostly cope with problems/responsibilities alone
- One income to spend
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- Restricted freedom to do what you want
- Necessary to consider two peoples needs
- Regular disagreements and arguments
- Limited time with your friends
- Two sets of friends/parents to consider
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You may be able to think up a few more things and add them to the list, but the most important thing to ask yourself is 'Am I ready?' If the answer is 'Yes' then try the next section. If the answer is 'no' or 'well I'm not sure really, maybe it would be a good thing' then spend some more time enjoying your freedom, become once it's gone you will miss it!
Charity Begins at Home
Choosing an ideal mate takes time, takes sometimes lots of hard work and many dead-end journeys. Because the choice of potential partners is so huge, you really have to get your ideas straight before you set off. What are you really looking for in a lover? First of all, look at yourself a little and see if you can work out what would work well with your character, and if this would be to your advantage or disadvantage. Would you be happy with someone just like you? For example, if you and your partner were to share the same lively and firey temperament, the chances are that you will enjoy a hot and lively relashionship. At the same time, two people who spark off each other are more likely to set each other off with fights and arguments, but while the arguments can be furious, the making up can be even better. On the other side of the coin, two quite shy or introverted characters can enjoy a more cosy partnership so long as they have enough shared interests, and can make good companions. However, it may also lead to a lack of conversation or motivation between the two and the partnership would end up going nowhere.
The most important thing is to find someone who will bring out your best bits, soften the rough edges and ideally who will bring a balance to the relationship. So if you have a lively character, who enjoys talking and laughs a lot, then you may like to look for a more relaxed partner who enjoys listening and has a good sense of humour - effectively balancing you both. If you are an unconfident person who appears shy, then an outgoing soul with a good sense of fun may be the tonic you have been waiting for. So long as one doesn't tip the scale too far in the wrong direction, love will work out the rest. Of course, if you are already naturally balanced then you may not need a partner opposite to yourself; two grounded and level-headed people can often fulfil each others needs simply by being on the same 'wavelength'.
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What do you really need? Take your time and think it over. Everybody tends to fall into the same old love trap - as soon as you meet someone who loves you, you won't want to leave them in a big hurry. This is natures way of keeping two people together long enough to find out what they need from each other. Then after a time, one of you will come to a decision about the other and things makeup or breakup from there. Nobody likes a breakup, so all the more reason to pick and choose carefully in the first place. Lets make this process a little easier and draw up a wish list...
If you would like to look at a simple Wish List, then visit our next section.
If you know what you really want, but just kind seem to look in the right places, then go to - Where to Look.
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